What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Randomize
