Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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