Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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