"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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