So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
