Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i think im in europe. pls send help
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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