just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
