Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
