i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
