I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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