He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
