She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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