i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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