If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
babies were throwing up all over the place
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
