Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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