can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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