omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
