so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
