90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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