No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
