"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
