either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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