everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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