Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
