actually, I'm a sock model
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
