Too much gin, very little bucket
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
