I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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