I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
