it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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