Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He kissed a someone with a penis
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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