tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
