I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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