I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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