Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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