i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
