Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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