this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
