onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
