sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
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