big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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