The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Pants are for mortals
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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