why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
two words: eviction party
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
