her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
