me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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