It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
