Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Who put my cat in the fridge?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
