A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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