bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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