the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
