can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
