1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
