That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
