He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
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And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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