I'm so fucking centered right now
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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