we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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