We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
