Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Send help, water and tortillas.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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