I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
