Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
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I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
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I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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