There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
