We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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