I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
