this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
