this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
