I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize