did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
